i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
