Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love accidental penises.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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