I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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