How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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