Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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