Will you blow on my dice?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
