please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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