i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
