just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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