somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
