then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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