So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
