please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
