the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
