we have officially lost it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
