we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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