And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
