I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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