oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
