I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's always time for handjobs
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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