weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
