I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
