his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
