I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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