Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
