broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
