um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
