I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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