Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
