Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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