I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
