Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
