I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
