then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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