Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
