It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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