youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
