I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
