just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
