She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We got so high we made milksteak
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i believe in u and ur pee
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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