I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
