I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
