just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
