Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
