Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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