The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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