Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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