it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
