I hate all girls vehemently.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its not stalking. its research.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
