I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
