dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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