He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
