so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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