So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
