Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
