This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They took my balls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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