I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
