Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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